3 Ways to Reduce Parenting Stress Without Doing More

In this episode, we explore why parenting stress builds up in our nervous system and three simple ways to reduce it without adding more to our to-do list:

• the safety bubble, using touch and breath to calm the body
• sensory safety rituals that help us feel grounded and safe
• effortless rest, allowing the nervous system to fully down-regulate

We also discuss how supporting our own nervous system helps our children regulate their emotions, making it easier to stay calm, hold boundaries, and respond rather than react.

To find out about Parenting With Love and Boundaries, Camilla's group course, go https://www.myparentingsolutions.com/waitlist

For more information about Into The Fold with Emma Watkins go to https://www.into-the-fold.com/ for you free one month trial and code: ITFPS25 will provide 25% off at checkout if you decide to go for the Monthly Membership.

 I'm excited to announce details of my group program :
Parenting With Love and Boundaries. 
It's for any parent dealing with 'challenging behaviour' who wants tools to handle it so much better. 

The priority wait list is now open until Jan 26 and places are limited because I keep the group small. 
Just go to: www.my parentingsolutions.com/waitlist to make sure you don't miss out.

For the Parenting with Love and Boundaries waitlist go to www.myparentingsolutions.com/waitlist

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Transcript

 As a parent, you know, it's important to have clear boundaries, but you also want to be caring and compassionate. Right. Well, I'm Camilla McGill and as a seasoned parenting coach and mom of four, I'm excited to give you the principles, tools, and inspiration you need to raise amazing kids. Welcome to Raising Kids with Love and Boundaries.

 So I'm thrilled today that I'm joined by Emma Watkins, the founder of Into the Fold. Emma works with yoga, breathwork and nervous system regulations, supporting people to feel calmer, safer, and more grounded in their bodies. And what I really love about Emma's approach is how accessible it is.

It's not about adding more to our to-do list. It's about how we can make small shifts and Emma's going to tell you about this, that calm our nervous system and make everything else feel just that bit more manageable or even a lot more manageable. And this conversation links so closely with the work I do as a parenting coach because when we are better supported ourselves, staying calm and holding boundaries and responding rather than reacting becomes so much easier.

I just wanted to say that the wait list is currently open for my new course, parenting with Love and Boundaries, which begins on the 6th of March. So do go to my parenting solutions.com/waitlist or see the show notes below. So Emma, when parents tell you that they feel constantly stressed or on edge, what's usually going on in their body, not just in their head.

Thank you so much for that introduction, Camilla. It was really, well put. Good. So, I always talk about it as us as humans. We, we hold the stories of our lives, we are the sum of our parts.

'Cause if you think about it, when we're, we're going about our day, we live in a very fast paced, highly sophisticated, very tech advanced, world and we are constantly experiencing life. We are like little antennas, constantly scanning our environment.

And whether it be tiny little environmental stresses, stresses from our children, from our relationship, from ourselves, from an internal thought. 'cause the a stress is external, but it can also be internal and it can also be our reaction to an external. If that makes sense. So stress is a very interesting one.

An animal gets attacked, it's escapes, it shakes itself down, and it goes on about its day. So it's rounded off. Experience and what happened.. So we'll experience something that we perceive to be as stress, be it in our mind, in our body, or externally. Yeah. And in that moment, we don't necessarily have an avenue to be able to release or process it. So sometimes it gets held in our muscles.

Sometimes it becomes a stress pattern within our fascia, which wraps around all our joints. Mm-hmm. Sometimes it becomes stuck as rumination in our mind. So there's an kind of energetic pattern, a muscle pattern thought, a neurobiological pattern, and all of this. When it comes together, what it can mean is that our bodies can get a bit stuck mm-hmm.

In what's called fight or flights and that very heightened vigilance. Yeah. State. And that just simply builds up. And when it starts to build up, the very simple way of looking at it is everything starts to run a bit amok. And if you think about it with your kids, la, la, la, la, la, and they won't put their shoe on.

They won't put their shoe on. Like you explode. Yes. Yes. And you think, where did that come from? And they do something. That isn't a big thing at all. Yes. And you explode, and that's a real sign that everything's just like bottling up.

Yes. It makes complete sense and we're just, we're trying to hold the boundaries and we're managing these big emotions. We've often got very little downtime or release and, and you are absolutely right.

Parents say to me, and I know I've completely experienced this, , they just said, uh, when we had told them that it was going to be pasta tonight. And we can literally scream, right, that z go, there's nothing for you go to bed without any, having any supper. And we think, where did that come from?

So there, there are the obvious ones where, like you said, the shoe thing where it, you repeat, re repeat, but actually parents that follow my great method know that we don't have to do that. But anyway, then, you know, there is a sort of an obvious buildup because we just feel we've been patient.

We've been patient, but there are times, like you say, when you just think that's come from nowhere. So, yeah, no, I completely, see what you're talking about and it makes. Complete sense. So parents wanna know, now what do I do? So I know you've got, your first suggestion, finding a safety bubble.

So let's hear about that. Yes. How's that gonna help? So safety bubble, taps into two. It's not three of what I call our many superpowers, which are all resources that we have off at our fingertips that are free. Yeah. And they're accessible. Yeah. And they enable rapid physiological shifts, which we love.

Everyone needs a safety bubble. So you can do this anywhere, it just requires. You to be. So, ideally seated, but if you can't, if you're standing, that is fine. If you just need to do it in the moment you can. Yeah. You get one hand onto your heart and one hand onto your belly.

Yeah. And you close your eyes. Mm-hmm.

And you notice, notice noticing an observation. What that helps to do is immediately creates a buffer. It creates space. Yeah. Away from what you are experiencing. Yeah. Or this, the sensation, that moment of, and then you come to your breath. Mm-hmm. And all you do is you'll move your awareness from your belly to your heart as you inhale.

Yeah. And as you exhale from your heart to your belly, and you keep doing that for 1, 2, 3 minutes. You don't need long. You can of course do it for longer. Yes. Yeah. But what that's doing hands on body is safety. So's soth. So there's feedback from the body to the mind that everything is safe, quiet, calm.

So it influences the mind as well via the vagus nerve. Also the skin. Yes. Having the hands on the heart and the belly deepens the breath. So you are expanding the breath in a deeper part of the chest. Yeah. Which is gonna help , to soothe as well. And then by the inhale and exhale, you're also balancing the breath, so you're bringing it to an even inhale and exhale.

Okay. So you're helping to calm the nervous system. Love it. And that's so simple. Counting is very good at overriding thoughts.

Yeah. But you, but just naturally by inhaling from belly to the heart. Heart to belly. Yeah. That will bring the breath. Quite naturally to an even inhale and exhale and it just slows everything down. . . I just, I love the simplicity of that. I mean, you know, your children can be at the kitchen table throwing potato at each other, or , doing the sort of awful things that children will do, and you could just literally turn around and do that.

For a minute. , We could also do it in front of them 'cause it models it for them because, you know, obviously we know that our children's nervous systems, that they find it very difficult to regulate. So, even if they kind of look out of the corner of their eye and think what's mommy doing?

It could just be helpful or we could explicitly model it. So I love the fact, that it's this safety bubble and that you are, able to do something so small, but so proactive for yourself and the touch as well, which helps us to just feel kind of loved a bit and grounded.

Yeah. And I, I actually, 'cause I teach this two children, and for them, I call it teddy bear. So if your children do happen to see you doing it and it, it works, they see you catch yourself and just calm. Yes. Then you can, if you want to give it a word, then the teddy bear breath because you're sort of.

Like a teddy bear. Okay. Oh, that's extra bonus. I had any, I thought this episode is gonna be all about the parents, but actually that's an extra bonus I love that. That's brilliant. Okay, and then once you've finished that, just to add, like even if you're just like shaking your shoulders, just lifting them up and down.

And just moving from side to side, like movement, just adding an extra little mini superpower, just those tiny shifts again, just helps you move from where you were in a place of stuckness. Just shifts you out of it. I often say to parents I used to imagine myself on a kind of ledge, and one way could tip into.

Just tearing it to the positive and the other could tip into that sort of horrible abyss of , me screaming, losing it, all the rest of it. So I, I like this 'cause this is the way to help us. Tip into the positive. So, that's brilliant. That's brilliant.

. So you said you've got another mini superpower, safety rituals. Yes. So, I love a ritual. Yep, me too. I'm a real person for rituals and, safety rituals. All tap into our senses, which is another one of our many superpowers.

So our senses, as I touched on before, we are like super scanners. Yes. We're constantly scanning our environment and sometimes that's helpful. Sometimes it actually isn't so helpful 'cause they can be a little bit like hyper scanning. However we can use our senses to our advantage. They are incredibly powerful, our smell.

Bypasses wherever you are. Straight and transports you. Yeah. Our smell, our sight. Our hearing. Our touch. You know, as we were just talking about a touch and our skin. So I have created my own safety rituals, which I would encourage you to be playful with and have fun and think about what it is.

That is within arm's reach or within your home that's very easy and accessible and already there. That helps to bring you back, recenter you. It's also about getting to know what makes you tick as well, for me, as I did when I sat down, I spritz, I, I sprayed. . It was a room mist. But whether it be an essential or I have my diffuser in the kitchen. Yeah. I have my room spray here. So for me, smell is incredibly soothing. . Music music's a huge part of my life.

So playing music. Yeah. Songs that I know. I come in, I go to my yoga mat. You don't, don't need a yoga mat. Because what the body and the mind also are really good at doing is being trained. Yes. Making associations. Yes. So you are building without telling it. Yeah, building a little association.

Yeah. Your safety rituals. My body now knows when I spritz, when I put my playlist on, I have my diffuser I have in my blanket that I put over myself . Props helps deep sense of deep relaxation, the body to feel safe. I have very simply, very quickly.

Since that my mind and body knows, okay, I know what you are doing here. , But there are others. Hot  bath.  You know, but with all the goodies in, you know, treat yourself, my slippers, my hot water bottle. Whatever it is that nourishes and nurtures.

Yeah. This is not rocket science. . But it re it's incredibly powerful. . Photos that you hold. , Very powerful. . So, linking in with, with, the recommendations I give to parents, I'll often say if your child is getting really agitated or wound up.

You can shift the mood by pulling up their baby photos. And it is amazing how that can shift things, and, or, or literally kittens and puppies. Look at Google images or, something on YouTube or Instagram. It just, something like that can really shift. My cat is such a placid, sweet, adorable cat, and I know that if I'm feeling wound up and I see her, it's like it all.

Melts away, but I'd never associated that with a safety ritual. So sensory, so we're talking smell. Mm. Feeling, listening, smell, touch, sight, hearing, looking. Yeah. Okay. Brilliant. They're little overrides. And again, like I say, the added bonus that we could help our children with that I know, you know, some children have their, their, soft blanket or their jelly cat toy that's the sort of a link, a calming, association, like you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, but pulling up the baby photos is a really good one. I'm definitely gonna take that one. You're right actually, because they, they melt and so do we, you know, when we, so do we. Yeah, yeah. Oh, look, I've forgotten how small you were. So, even, you know, keep it in an album on your phone, so it's really easily.

Accessible. That's wonderful. I love these because they're simple. Like you say, you know, they, they don't cost anything and it's just a question of giving it that little bit more thought. But it doesn't necessarily take long, so exactly. Perfect. So the, the third one I've got down effortless test.

So that's intriguing. Oh, effortless rest. Effortless. Sorry. You're right. Effortless rest. So the third one is Effortless rest. I mean, we are really going simple now. Yeah. But I love, one of the things I do within, into the fold is show people how much you can do with very little.

Yes. Be it resource or time, et cetera. Um, Shavasana, which may or not, may not be a term. Your listeners have heard of, but it's,  It's actually, golden, what I call effortless rest. Which kind of is like Shavasana at the end of a yoga practice where you've created heat, you've created movement. And what effortless rest and Shavasana does is it's a little reminder again, little bit of training going on, reminder to mind body to downregulate to come back down.

So there's a real window. Recovery that can take place in Shavasana or it is a window of recovery. So effortless rest can quite literally be you lying on the ground. Yeah. Anywhere. Quite literally anywhere if you lie on the ground and put your legs up the wall, the upper wall, or on a chair, even better.

For a woman, depending on the time of the month, that might not feel good. Or it actually, depending on the time of the month actually might because it gives space to the lower back. Mm-hmm. But that's a kind of added layer to it. Essentially. Effortless rest is when you are lying on the ground doing absolutely nothing.

That is it. Right. And the beauty of that is you are not focusing on thought. You are not focusing even on the breath. You are just reminding and teaching the body that you can come to a place of rest and the body might fight it a little bit initially, and if it does, that's where you could use your safety bubble.

While you're lying and then, and then give it another go. Mm-hmm. 'cause it might be like, oh, what, what are you doing? What are you doing? No, no, not ready. I can't go from there to there. So something like, a little bit of movement, you know, a little bit shaking. Mm-hmm. Little bit downward dog would, if you know what that is.

Or just literally moving the body, shaking the body before you come down to the ground and just releasing that coming down. Yes. Yes. Um, but otherwise. Just incorporating two, three times a week, five minutes of simply lying in effortless rest. Yeah. Yeah. And that just brings the body, the mind. It just takes it back, remind.

Its not to sit in your fight and flight to kind of come back into the green zone or the calmer zone. You know, and it's, it's so simple and it's free and it's, yeah. Yeah. I love it. And again, just thinking about modeling for children, you know, it could be that we feel like just tensions building up, we're all irritated with each other.

And you could say, right, everyone on the floor, we're gonna keeping lines. And stare up at the ceiling. And it is about also, it's just about those little shifts the kind of energetic shift that sometimes can, really shift the moment., So yeah, very, very simple.

Well, I really love that, Emma. So, in a second I I want you to tell us how we can reach you. Just that reminder that, the parenting with love and boundaries. Course is opening up. And right now there's a priority wait list 'cause it's going to be quite a small, group.

So, just go to my parenting solutions.com/waitlist and drop your name. Down there. No obligation, but it's just worth worthwhile. And tell us, how we can reach you, Emma. So you can reach me via my website, um, www.intothefold.com, and also via Instagram, which is into the fold with Emma. Yes. Um, and I also have a YouTube channel, which has plenty of, loads of videos, right.

You wanna, so you can dip your toe there. Yes. Um, if you want to learn a bit more or by my membership, um. . So it'll all be in the show notes. Yes. I was just gonna say, so, so people don't have to think, they have to not note this down. Yes. I'm gonna drop it in the show notes and, with, I think a, a special, discount code for my listeners. So, Emirate's been an absolute pleasure. I am really excited for everybody to listen to this. It's been a little while since I've, released an episode so. This is an exciting one to come back with. Thank you so much for your time. Please carry on everybody listening to, raising Kids with Love and Boundaries and do rate, me on, Spotify and Apple.

And tell your friends, um, and tell your friends about Emma's wonderful into the fold. So thank you so much. Thank you, Camilla. Oh, it's been a real pleasure having you.