How to help your child bounce back from disappointment

Disappointment is part of life — but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch a child struggle when they’re left out, overlooked, or let down.
In this episode, parenting coach Camilla McGill shares 5 powerful steps to help children process disappointment and build emotional resilience — without rushing them to feel better or stepping in to fix it.
Camilla explains how parents can:
 ✅ Respond with calm empathy when their child says, “It’s not fair — I never get picked”
 ✅ Stay connected when their child cries after not receiving a sticker, prize, or reward they were hoping for
 ✅ Help a child reflect on the effort they put in — even when the outcome didn’t go their way
 ✅ Avoid offering a treat or saying “never mind” when a child is visibly upset about missing out
 ✅ Support children when they feel left out of a birthday party, game, or class award
Whether it’s a child feeling crushed after not being chosen for Star of the Week or excluded by a friend, this episode offers warm, practical support to help parents guide their child through the moment — and out the other side, stronger.
Also covered in this episode:
 – How to respond when a child says something emotional like “Nobody likes me,” even if it’s not entirely accurate
 – Why jumping in with treats, solutions, or silver linings can backfire
 – How to gently ask questions that help children process the moment rather than lash out or withdraw
🎧 Question of the Week:
 What do we do and say when our child isn’t invited to the party — and then says, “Nobody likes me”?
💬 Want personalised support from Camilla?
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When you're ready here are 3 ways that Camilla could help you further:
Tired of feeling like you go round in circles with your child and never seem to get anywhere?
Wish your child came with a manual, as you're just not sure what's the best approach?
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2. For blogs, free downloadable guides and other information go to https://www.myparentingsolutions.com

3. Go to Camilla's instagram for further tips and inspiration https://www.instagram.com/myparentingsolutions/

Transcript

Welcome & What This Episode Is About

If you’ve ever experienced your  child feeling desperately disappointed — and all you wanted was to scoop them up and make it better then you’ll love this episode

Maybe they weren’t picked for the team, weren’t invited to a party, or didn’t get to sit next to their best friend at lunch. Maybe they worked really hard on their spelling and  still only got 5/10. It’s heartbreaking, right? And if you’re like many of the parents I work with, you’re left wondering what on earth you’re supposed to do.

In this episode,5 Steps to Help Your Child Bounce Back from Disappointment  I’m going to walk you through these 5 practical steps  which includes building their emotional resilience for the long term. But first..

And I want to say this: I know how strong the urge is to fix things for our kids. But I also know that when we step back and support without rescuing, we give our children one of the most important tools in life: the belief that they can handle hard things.

Stick around until the end because I’ll also be answering a listener’s question about what to do and say when our child isn’t invited to a party and says, “Everyone else is invited except me.I thought he was my friend” - this exact thing happened to me when my eldest was 7 so I know exactly how this feels

Why Disappointment Is So Difficult

Disappointment is inevitable — but it can feel like a real punch in the gut, especially when it’s our child who’s hurting.

And for us as parents, it brings up so much: guilt, protectiveness, frustration, even helplessness.

But the truth is, we simply can’t protect our kids from every disappointment. What we can do is walk with them through it in a way that helps them grow stronger, not more fragile or reliant on us to fix things.

So let’s dive in and hit follow or subscribe if you’re enjoying this so far.

5 Steps to Help Your Child Bounce Back from Disappointment

✅ 1. Acknowledge the Feeling

Let your child know their sadness or frustration is valid.

“You really hoped the teacher would pick you for Star of the Week — that must feel so disappointing.”
“When your friend didn’t save you a seat at lunch, it really hurt your feelings — I can see that.”
“You worked so hard on your drawing for the art show, and it wasn’t chosen — that’s really tough.”

🗣️ What if you don’t agree with what your child is saying?
Maybe they say, “Nobody likes me.” Instead of rushing in with, “That’s not true!” try:

“You’re feeling really left out today — that must feel lonely.”
“It sounds like something happened that made you feel like nobody wanted to play with you.”

You're not agreeing with the words — you’re validating the feeling behind them.

✅ 2. Sit With the Sadness

You might feel tempted to cheer them up or buy them something. For example, maybe your child is already upset and asks for a toy in the shop. It’s tempting — it would lift the mood, and you’d get that moment of thrill from them.

But what it teaches is: “If I feel sad, I need something to fix it.”

Instead, say:

“You feel so sad because you REALLY wanted that toy. It’s so okay to want things — and to feel sad when you don’t get them.”

Or:

“It’s so hard when your sister got the present that you were hoping for.”

You're showing them sadness is survivable — and doesn’t need to be rushed away.

If you’ve been listening and thinking,

“This all makes sense — but I still feel stuck with my child’s big emotions or constant disappointments,”
 you don’t have to navigate it alone.

I offer a limited number of free discovery calls where you can tell me about your unique situation and we can explore how I might be able to support you and your family.

It’s a chance to connect, feel heard, and find out whether private coaching with me could help you create more calm, connection and confidence at home. Got to myparentingsolutions.com/chat or

Click the link in the show notes to book your call — I’d love to hear what’s going on for you

✅ 3. Help Them Reflect, Not React

Later, when they’re calmer, help them explore what happened.

If they were upset about not being chosen for something:

“What do you think made Star of the Week feel so important this week?”
“Was there something you felt especially proud of?”

If their work wasn’t recognised:

“What part of your drawing did you love the most?”
“Would you still like to put it on the wall and  show it grandma when she visits?”

This kind of gentle reflection helps your child process the disappointment without blaming others or turning it into shame.

A mum I worked with told me her daughter had tried so hard all week to earn Star of the Week. She was devastated when she didn’t get it. Instead of stepping in to fix it, the mum acknowledged her sadness, then later asked, “What do you think you did this week that was really kind or brave?”

And that helped her daughter reconnect with her own pride — even in the middle of disappointment.

If you’ve got a situation that you would like help with, you can book a free discovery call with me to chat about 

✅ 4. Support a Small Next Step (That Builds Self-Worth)

This isn’t about trying harder to be picked — it’s about helping them reconnect with their own sense of value.

You might say:

“I noticed how kind you were when Mia dropped her things.”
“You worked so hard on that drawing — that shows real focus.”

Then ask:

“What are you proud of from today?”
“What would you do again because it felt good, not to be picked?”

Carol Dweck’s research shows that praising effort and persistence helps children build confidence and resilience — independent of external reward.

They begin to believe:

“What I do matters — even if no one notices.”

✅ 5. Hold the Moment — Don’t Rush the Outcome

Disappointment can linger — and that’s okay.

You might notice they’re still upset the next day. Or they seem fine, but then it bubbles up again at bedtime.

You might say:

“You’re still feeling sad about that today — that makes sense.”
“You don’t have to be okay with it yet. I’m still here.”

You're showing your child that their timeline for healing is valid — and that you’ll stay with them through it.

Question of the Week

“My 5-year-old didn’t get invited to a birthday party, ’ and she was devastated, I just didn’t know what to say or do”

This is such a painful one — and incredibly common.

As parents we want to march up to the kid’s parents and demand an invite, we want to plot revenge in some way or offer our child something to make it better - like a present or an alternative outing. This doesn’t actually help them cope with life’s knocks.  I had the exact same scenario myself my son had invited this boy Ben to his birthday and ben had a football party and excluded Nico. I was so upset for him

Instead, try something like:

“You’re feeling really left out. That really hurts, doesn’t it?” “It’s hard when it seems like everyone else is included and you’re not. I also added it feels like such a betrayal especially when you included him and he’s left you out”

By validating the emotion first, you allow your child to feel understood — which actually makes it easier for them to process it and eventually move on.

Later, when they’ve calmed down, you might ask gently:

“Are there any friends you’d like to invite over sometime?” “Sometimes it’s good to reach out to make new friends when we don’t think that friend is especially loyal”

This gives her a sense of agency without skipping over the sadness.

And remember: being excluded hurts. But it’s also an opportunity for your child to learn that their worth isn’t defined by one party, or one person’s choice — and you are their biggest mirror in how they come to believe that.

Let’s Wrap Up

Let’s quickly recap the 5 steps:

✅ Acknowledge the feeling
✅ Sit with the sadness
✅ Help them reflect, not react
✅ Support a small next step that builds self-worth
✅ Hold the moment — don’t rush the outcome

These moments might feel small, but over time they shape your child’s self-belief, emotional confidence, and resilience.

If this episode helped you, please take a moment to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with a friend who’s navigating similar parenting moments. It really helps me reach more parents like you who want to raise confident, kind kids with calm and connection.

What’s Coming in the Next Episode

In next week’s episode, we’re talking about day camps — those summer holiday clubs, activity camps, or local programmes that many parents turn to during the break.

Whether your child’s feeling nervous about going, or you’re just not sure how to choose the right one, I’ll share how to prepare your child for a positive experience — and what to consider so it’s the right fit for them, not just what everyone else is doing.